Friday, January 11, 2013

My Blue Collar Marital Hard Hat

I’ve ranted and raved and have not shied away when it comes to matters of personal finance but today I want to give my perspective on communication and closeness in marriage.  My wife and I have been married under 5 years and have been together under 10 years and with each passing annual calendar I am finding that I am learning so much more about myself, about her and about us.

So far in my adult life being married has been for me what I hear a lot of parents say about raising a family: it’s definitely challenging as an individual, but the best thing I have ever done with my life.

One of those challenging aspects is staying connected to my partner. Yes we too can get wrapped up in our careers (surprise right?!), the day to day, the focus on our finances and ultimately unintentionally not take the time to nourish our relationship and love for one another.

Over the last quarter or two we have been more intentional towards nurturing and making time for our relationship. I shared with you in an earlier post that we see a couple’s therapist almost weekly.  But we have also undertaken reading, “relationship oriented” books by therapists from our local library and try to implement some of the suggested practices as well.

I must say that I am dumbfounded to find how many EASY opportunities we let slip by to stay connected with one another.  I mean like painfully simple – things like saying good morning and good night to each other, stopping what we’re doing when the other comes home and lovingly greeting one another …the list goes on and on.

But now that we are in a few weeks of being honestly intentional with making time for one another, I definitely feel myself walking a bit taller and not stressed as much. I think the honest intentionality reassures me that together, my wife and I are connected and working and striving towards the same goals in life and growing together. I mean, I am jaw-droppingly amazed at how being more intentional kind of jump-started our love for one another to a gear I didn’t even know could be reached this way.

Plus we are continuing to learn new ways to communicate and reassure each other and that helps us both know we are on the same page. For me the reassurance comes from wanting our relationship to be firing on all cylinders leading up to and through when our little family begins to grow.

It’s kind of funny. I used to be afraid of having children because of a fear that it would disconnect me from my spouse and we would lose what we once had.  Now I feel so much more confident, there is less fear and more of a certainty that we will meet the next chapter of our lives with open hearts and work together through any challenges that come our way.

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